first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Randomize
