im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
