I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
