I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
