If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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