I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
