I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
