I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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