my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
