Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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