this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
