one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Your penis caused this!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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