I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize