id be glad to
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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