i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
