I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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