I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
