So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
