Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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