at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So squirting runs in the family.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
