sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
