Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
