the condom got lost in my hair
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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