I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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