youre lurking in front of me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
