It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
