Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
