I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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