He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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