So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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