i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
