So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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