I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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