FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Come see our sink grown plant.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
