everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
