wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
