i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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