my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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