he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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