Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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