somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
