I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
