To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
