she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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