careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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