using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
