I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
