Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
