I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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