he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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