the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
