I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
