I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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