I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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