Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
