Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize