I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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