I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
