one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
