Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
