I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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