You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize