??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize