Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
