The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I cut my penus on the lid.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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